Dear friends of Scott,
As the executor of his estate it is my sad duty to inform you that he passed away in a terrible cleaning accident in the kitchen of his Dallas, TX, home last night. The Dallas District Coroner has ruled the death as accidental. According to the incident report the accident occurred while he was cleaning out his garbage disposal. The disposal mechanism is believed to have engaged, resulting in the death.
He is survived by his wife and stepdaughter, many close relatives, and friends. I knew Scott briefly, and he struck me as a fine, humorous, easy going gentleman. I am sure that the world will be a little less brighter for his passing.
Please join me in wishing his family and loved ones the best.
The final task that I have here as part of this notice is to provide photographic evidence, released from the local authorities, of the scene of the accident for the legal purposes of this Notice of Death.
Scott’s Awesome Spaghetti Recipe
1. Take some spaghetti and drop it into a pot of boiling water.
2. Prepare a red spaghetti sauce filled with olives, herbs, and other good tasty stuff.
3. Toast half a loaf of garlic bread.
4. When spaghetti is al dente, throw it in the trash.
5. Generously spread delicious red spaghetti sauce over garlic bread.
6. Enjoy being in hog heaven
Seriously.
Spaghetti is bland, boring, and you rarely get any really scrumptious bits. Its like the Ann Rice of the pasta world, its only value being to draw your attention to how much you enjoy what is being served around it.
Now red sauce on toasted garlic bread? Thats spiffy!
Folding up washing, I’ve noticed that my wife’s g-strings are confusing. It’s difficult to orient them properly and work out what is what.
My wife says: You think that’s confusing, you should try putting them on.
I think I will just take her word for it.
Dear Coworker,
Please refrain from scratching your genitalia while in my presence in future. Yes, I understand that your hand was in the pocket of your slacks at the time and I appreciate the curtesy, however it did little to mitigate the awkwardness or discomfort I experienced due to the situation.
Do us both a favour and buy an ointment or a cream or something.
Sincerely,
Scott