Oh good lord in the heavens above! I’ve been maimed! Seriously injured! Or at least made to feel quite out of sorts!

Oh, how can I go on? The horrors that I have seen… the nightmares that will permeate my very soul from this day onward in my now marked life.

I could not take it anymore. The existence of a Hell Aperture in the close vicinity of my workplace, the knowledge that I had not spared a poor innocent. It was too much, do you hear me?! Too much!

I had to do something about this menace to the well being of society. I had to confront the heathen bull god that inhabited the depths of this abysmal pit. I had to go in!

Besides, I was somewhat curious about how they decorated in the bowels of hell.

I went forth packed to the hilt with weaponry. Accompanying me on my adventure, I had stuffed the following into my jeans pockets (as recommended by Mother-in-Law):

• 1 x Bottle of Holy Water (actually I couldn’t find any churches nearby so I got some water out of the work water fountain and filled up my Metromint bottle with it while intoning things like “Now I lay me down to sleep” etc)
• 1 x Cross (actually, I couldn’t come up with a cross and I couldn’t rustle up anything to substitute, so I didn’t really have this at all)
• 1 x Bag of Spicy Crackers (hint) (actually, I ate all of them. Which is a shame; they would have come in very handy for leaving a cracker trail while wandering amongst the mazes of hell, and for mid-afternoon snacks)
• 1 x Bag of Killer Hot Peppers from the In-Laws’ Gardens (good lord no, that would just be mean).

Feeling brave and well equipped for my journey (I even remembered to tie my shoelaces as Chickie had advised me to do in case I needed to make a hasty retreat, though I may have been somewhat confused as to what exactly she meant), I went up to the Hell Aperture and poked a stick up in there (as recommended by Chickie (certified Demon/Devil/”Strange guy that smells like farts” Exorcist).

At first, I smelt sulfur. Then I saw two glowing eyes at then end of the Aperture.

Then there was a rushing noise.

And then…

…I was knocked onto my ass.

After which I promptly pee’d my pants (which is thankfully not captured in that picture), wailed like a little girl, and ran away ran away (after untying my shoes, thanks a LOT, Chickie!).

The hell aperture can stay. And eat all the little innocents it likes. And spit out all the bunnies it wants (because Crickie thinks it doesn’t like bunnies… no I am not wearing a bunny suit next time!).

A special G’day to my Mother-In-Law whose birthday it was yesterday! Hope you had a wonderful birthday Mom, and hope that you got a kick out of this post (but not as much of a kick as I got!)

Thanks for stopping by and remember: Any clod can have the facts, but having an opinion is an art.