I vividly remember the day I died, like it was only two years ago.
It was Halloween.
I was washing up in the sink and I had dumped some scraps into the waste disposal. Something was jamming it, so I turned the disposal off and tried poking it with a spoon. The spoon wasn’t long enough to get at the blockage, so I carefully reached in there with my hand and felt around.
And it went rapidly downhill from there…
It was the scene from a post I made back on Halloween of 2005. You can check out the post in Notice of Death
Hope everyone had a happy Halloween!
Some of my posts were picked up by blog carnivals recently:
The Offending Arachnid has garnered the most coverage, probably because there are several blog carnivals focusing on our feline friends. Included among them were the 1001 Cats Blog Carnival. The very friendly Megan and her Bad Kitty Cats included the post when she hosted the Carnival of Cats, Issue 187. 187 issues. Woah.
Kale and Onion Stir-Fry was picked up by Kids Dish on the Vegetarian Carnival.
And finally, My Ass, Well Covered got a new lease on life from Anja Merret’s Blog Carnival of Observations on Life.
Thanks guys!
This simple (you might even say basic) dish is not only deliciously traditional in flavor, it is ready to serve in under 30 minutes, and its healthy as well. Thats three out of three in my book.
Ingredients:
24 fresh asparagus stalks (firm, no wilting allowed)
5 carrots (hard, no bending)
1/4 cup of water
1 tablespoon of finely grated fresh ginger
1 tablespoon of reduced sodium soy sauce
11/2 teaspoons of sesame oil (the dark kind, if you have it)
1 tablespoon of toasted sesame seeds
Serves: 3
Total Preparation Time: 25 minutes
Tip: Once you get this recipe under way, with you know - the cooking bits, there is not a lot of time to sit around and contemplate why we’re all here, or where ear wax comes from, much less chopping things up, and scurrying around in the pantry looking for that bottle of soy you are sure you bought the other day. Have things prepared and ready to dump into the wok when needed. Trust me, its a lot less stressful, and a happy chef makes happy food.
The Eight Step Program:
1. Slice the carrots 1/4 inch thick on a horizontal angle, exposing a large area of interior of the carrot on both sides of the slice. This will allow the heat, sauce, and oils to work on them which provides us with a light caramelization of their natural sugars.
| Carrots are a source of vitamins A, K, C, dietary fiber, potassium, B6, manganese, molybdenum, B1, B3, phosphorus, magnesium and folate. |
2. Trim any gigantic trunks off the asparagus stalks. You ultimately want them to be relatively uniform in size at the base with the bulk of the upper stalk. Slice the asparagus as you did the carrots but to a thickness of half an inch. This will allow the heat to penetrate the thick outer layer and provide us with nice even cooking in the short amount of time that the asparagus will be exposed to the heat.
| Asparagus is a source of vitamins A, B1, B2, B3, B6, C, K, copper, iron, manganese, phosphorus, zinc and folate. |
3. Place a large nonstick wok (if you must, a large frying pan will do in a pinch) over scorchingly high heat and give it a brief go around with non-stick cooking spray (or a drop or two of canola oil).
4. When the pan is hot (test with a single drop of water, not any part of your body), bring the temperature down to just barely high, and add the carrots immediately.
5. Stir-fry the carrots for 4 minutes. Keep the carrots on the move and don’t be afraid to lift the wok off the heat and shake the carrots around for a little while to give them a breather if the heat is being a little aggressive (Bonus: anyone watching you will think you’ve got some real wok flare if you do this occasionally anyway).
6. Add the asparagus and water (without looking like a sissy (again in case anyone is watching), keep your tender parts away from the wok when you do this). Toss the carrots and asparagus until they are combined. Cover the wok and let them cook for 2 minutes.
7. Uncover the wok and add the ginger. Make sure you continue stir-frying to ensure that the delicate ginger doesn’t immediately sear to the pan. Continue this for another 2 minutes.
8. Add the soy sauce, sesame oil and sesame seeds. Stir-fry all of the ingredients so that the carrots and asparagus as well coated, then serve.
I’ve been quiet recently because I have been pretty well flattened by the “Cold and Flu” Bus. I don’t know who threw me under said bus but it certainly did a number on me. Thanks! 
I’ve not been able to muster up the energy until now to peep even a squeak (without coughing and hacking up parts of what are probably vital organs).
Instead, I’ve been spending the last several days trying to sleep at night (I swear, as soon as I lay down, I pretty much drown), which always ends up being fitful at best - I have the pleasure of waking up to experience a new cough or sneeze (like I had not already had enough of that the proceeding day).
Then during the day I am exhausted and find myself dozing for hours at a time to catch up on the sleep that the Cold and Flu Bus would not make a stop for the night before. When I am not dozing I am busy cramming vitamins, fruits, juices and god-awful tasting medication down my throat. Which reminds me of a line from the movie Trainspotting that seems appropriate here: “For all the good they’ve done me I might as well have shoved them up my arse…”
Seems though I am finally on the mend. It was hell getting up this morning - my bed seemed entirely too comfortable and leaving it was a cruel torture, but I have managed to stay awake for most of the day. I can mostly breathe through both nostrils.
The silence of sickness is mostly not silent at all. Its fairly raw, loud, harsh and violent. Except perhaps on the internet, where things go quiet for a while.
But I’ll be back imminently, causing a ruckus.
I can’t wait!
If someone ever tells you that painting a house (either interior OR exterior) is fun, avoid them like they were sporting ripe pustules bursting with the plague, for these individuals are some of the most egregious of liars on the face of planet earth.
My desktop wallpaper at home is in the same vein as my one at work. Green, forest, relaxing.
And no bloody lizards!
Click Here For Larger Image
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I have a whole herd on lizards living on my back porch and in the greenery that you will find there.
I’m serious.
Make any sudden moves while you are out there and you might cause them to stampede - the ground to tremble, the windows to shake, and small animals and children to whine for their mothers.
Besides their propensity to stampede, my lizards are otherwise very confident and bold.
Fearless is probably a better word.
They’ll sit on the windows, the plants, scoot around on the concrete paying you naught attention.
Unless they are bored. At which time they will just sit and stare.
They even come into the house and run the gambit against the cats.
Which takes some serious balls.
Today I was taking a screen shot of my desktop to post on The Scott English Show. The wall paper on my desktop is a relaxing photo of some bright green foliage. It helps me to de-stress when I am at work.
Imagine my shock when just as I was about to take the screen shot, a lizard skittered up across the face of my monitor!
Click for larger image.
The little bugger then promptly scooted back down my monitor, onto my desk and then off the side. I expect that its kicking back somewhere under my desk now. Must have hitched a ride with me into work. Unbelievable!
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My wife took her team to the Texas State Fair today.
I knew that meant she would be tired when she got home. So last night I concocted a plan to make dinner this evening.
I picked a dish at random from a list of recipes that I had been saving up to try. The result: Kale and Onion Stir-Fry.
I looked in more detail at the recipe: it seemed fairly bland… yet I went ahead with it and this is what happened…
Kale and Onion Stir-Fry
1 lb fresh kale
1 onion, sliced
3 T white wine vinegar
3 T light soy sauce
1/2 t sugar
Separate the kale leaves from their ribs by loosely gripping the base of the stem and moving your hand up toward the end of the leaf. You should get most of the leaves coming off easily. You may have the end break off in one big leaf. You can leave it as it is (it will reduce later in the cooking process), or just tear it apart into bit size pieces.
Wash the kale off well and dry it.
Heat a HUGE wok if you have one on Medium-High. I say HUGE, because this is a lot of kale to begin with, although when the heat gets to it, it will become much more manageable.
Add the onion to the bottom of the wok and then the kale on top. Stir it for two or three minutes.
Add the rice vinegar, soy sauce and sugar. Reduce heat to medium and stir until kale becomes a deeper darker green and floppy, and the onions are tender.
Serve in bowls.
The flavor of the Kale and Onion Stir-Fry is actually quite surprising, and wonderfully good (and very easy to prepare). The ingredients added to the kale and onion really work double time to give it a delicious flavor. This turned out to be one of our favorite uses for kale to date. You should give it a try.
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I recently got an illustration as to how easy it would be to kick in the door to my house if the deadbolt was not in place. Granted, the deadbolt should be in place in most situations where someone might want to kick the door in… and no I am not expecting any raging maniacs to be forcefully entering my house anytime in the near future…
But seeing how possible it was though, made me realize that perhaps I should do a little extra to secure my doors.
The weak point in the whole door system appeared to be the screws that held the flashing plate onto the door frame.
The flashing plate is the flat piece of metal screwed into the door frame which provides the recess for the door latch.
In my house the flashing plate was screwed into the door frame with half inch long screws. Essentially, with enough force applied to the door (say, with a kick), the latch can actually push against the flashing plate hard enough to rip the screws out of the wood - opening the door.
Surprisingly little force is needed to pull half inch screws out of the wood.
So I went to Home Depot and bought two inch long screws and replaced them on all of the flashing plates of the doors that faced the outside of the house.
The force required to pull a two inch screw out of the wood (remember they are now four times deeper into the wood then the previous screws), is significantly greater than a half inch screw. In reality now, you would need to apply enough force to break the door frame in order to achieve the same result. So the doors will stand up to much more pounding and as such serve as a really good deterrent to anyone looking for easy pickings.
And that means I rest easier knowing that my loved ones, the fruits of our labours, and even myself, are now safer in my house. And that’s a good feeling.
When I was a kid watching westerns on TV I learned about beef jerky. I thought the idea of dried meat sounded cool and I wanted to try some. It wasn’t until I was a young adult that I got my chance.
The gas station next to my bus stop, which would take me to my university, sold beef jerky.
It was not the beef jerky that most Americans are familiar with. It wasn’t moist, or thick, or anything really resembling beef jerky that you typically find here in the states.
It was dried meat. Thin sheets of it. Dry as a bone, and gawd it was so tasty.
When I moved to the states, it was only a matter of time before I would encounter jerky again. I think the first time that I really re-discovered it was when my wife gave me beef jerky she had procured from a World Market in Eugene, OR. After that, we paid several visits to the store and we always came away with an armload of jerky.
It was good.
No, it was really good.
It wasn’t what I had experienced back in Australia.
That doesn’t mean that it was in any way lesser. It just wasn’t the same stuff with which I was introduced to beef jerky, and it seemed like a far cry from the stuff that cowboys would haul around in their saddlebags as the roamed the countryside.
When we got our hands on a smoker, I immediately wanted to try creating my own beef jerky. I wasn’t really focused on what sort of beef jerky I wanted to create. I just wanted to make some.
Over several years of making my own beef jerky, I’ve come up with my own end result. And it leans heavily toward the jerky that I first tried as a young adult in Australia - lean, very dry and very tasty.
Here is my steps on how to make jerky:
1. Obtain a big ass slab of meat. Brisket is my choice because its decent, its cheap and its going to go through hell and back before I am ready to eat it.
2. Slice that meat into thin strips, discarding all traces of fat. This is lean, dry beef jerky. Any fat will make your beef jerky more moist and well - look at your stomach - do you really need any extra fat?
3. Marinade your slices of meat in various sauces and such for at least 24 hours. (Sauces? That’s very vague, isn’t it Scott? Yup. And that’s the way I like it. When I make beef jerky, I raid the pantry and the fridge - anything that is sauce or granule-like (for example, don’t add dried herbs that are leafy and will just burn up in the smoking process and cause a bitter taste). If you were to ask me (as many have), what I put into my marinade, I reply that I put in everything but the kitchen sink - but only because the kitchen sink wouldn’t fit.
I let my marinade get into the meat for at least 24 hours. At that point we are ready to start making jerky!
Lay the strips out on your smoking rack, smoke the beef jerky with mesquite wood chips (or any other type of wood that you desire), for at least 12 hours. The smoking time will depend on how thick you’ve cut your strips. When the smoking is done, you should have yourself a bunch of ready to eat dried meat.
This particular batch that I made turned out to be very spicy and just a tad hot. I received rave reviews from everyone that tried it, and even a few that dived for the nearest source of water - which made me grin like a Chesire cat. So I ended up calling this batch Scott English’s El Diablo Beef Jerky. I was quite proud of it!
One thing that you should remember to do is wearing gloves when you are handling the beef jerky, especially after it has been marinating in hot sauces and peppers for at 24 hours. If you don’t, you’ll be sorry, and so will every part on your body that you scratch. Of course, after you’ve been handling the beef jerky for a while, your gloved hand will make you look like some sort of mad scientist carving up the latest experiment - but its much better than scratching anywhere around your eyes or other tender body parts.
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