Two of my co-workers came into my office one evening at work as is unusual for them to do. They appeared to me in the midst of a heated discussion as they often are and wanted me to adjudicate.

“M claims that Wingstop Chicken Wings would taste better than my homemade Chicken, Cheese and Broccoli!” gasped U.

“There is no way that your Chicken, Cheese and Broccoli could stand up to Wingstop Chicken Wings!” flailed M.

U rolled his eyes, “See what I have to deal with here?”

Me: “Wait, what flavor of Chicken Wings?”

M: “Cajun. Also Atomic”

Me: “I dunno U, that’s a pretty tall order. Wingstop’s Chicken Wings are pretty damn good.”

U: “I can’t believe you are siding with M on this!”

Me: “I am not, I am just saying that’s a pretty big mountain to topple”

This conversation went around and around, with various puffing of chests and other manly stuff. Apparently at some point it actually devolved into a official contest between the two, with actual judges and stuff.

Wow.

That was not the least of it. Apparently, in all this posturing and feather displaying, I somehow got involved in the contest, supplying my own chicken dish to go up against the Chicken, Cheese and Broccoli in one corner, and the Wingstop Chicken Wings in the other. My reaction to this sudden involvement, humorously, adds up to a lengthened version of the two initials of the main combatants involved in this dispute: “UM”

I told them both that I would have to think about a dish to contribute to this affair, and overnight I came up with Lime Chicken.

On the day before the big battle I composed an email inviting the five (largely unaware judges) to participate in the following day’s battle and to determine a winner that would settle this dispute that I somehow was dragged into.

For the email I devised a concept for the battle that mirrored the Iron Chef battles so popularized by the Food Network:

I blanked out the faces of my two competitors because they have no idea that I am posting this picture. I would say that the odds are thusly stacked in your favor for guessing which one I am.

I prepared my dish the evening before, and then warmed it up in that morning before I went into work. As lunch approached, M went and bought the Cajun and Atomic wings from Wingstop.

Shortly after, the judges started trickling in, and then as word of the battle spread throughout the company, volunteer judges started arriving until the point that we had double the number of judges that we had originally invited.

It was a fun day, with lots of people saying nice things about our dishes.

At the end of the day we tallied up the score cards (yes we even printed out little score cards that the judges could score the dishes one) and the final tally was:

1st – U’s Chicken, Cheese and Broccoli
2nd – My Lime Chicken
3rd – M’s Cajun and Atomic Wings

I would have been terribly crushed if I had not tasted U’s Chicken, Cheese and Broccoli and been very impressed, so I only ended up mildly hurt.

The moral of the victory that both U and I claimed over M was that home cooked food could indeed outdo the store bought stuff.* Sweet!

*Your results may vary.