Amusingly, this hits close to home as Keet does exactly this same thing when he thinks its time for you to get up, and I have a baseball bat next to the bed.

Yes, I have a baseball bat next to the bed….

Expect a picture of me with a black eye in the near future.

The Great Irony of Cat Grooming is a universal law, as far as I have been able to ascertain, and it is one that I assert for all of the science and pet journals to pick up thusly:

“Those cats that are not really in need of grooming enjoy it, whereas those that really need it turn into hell spawn and spare no thought at shredding you into ribbons at the mere glint of a comb”

My two short haired cats (Keet and Ming) enjoy being combed. Missile, my long haired ratty cat, gets evil red glowing eyes and hisses and yowls so abyssally that it sends shivers down your spine.

This morning my wife relaying a tale of woe woke me up.

Let me relate that tale to you…

One of our cats, Missile, had been playing (“toying”) with a small spider. Apparently, this particular spider had been less than amused with the attention. As a result, a bite was apparently in order and delivered directly to Missiles’ snout.

She yelped. (As would I.)

My wife, whom had witnessed this, flushed the offending arachnid.

She woke me up and relayed the sequence of events to me.

“Check her face before you leave for work today.”

I murmured acknowledgement and rolled over resuming a state of sleep.

Dutifully, however, when I dragged myself out of bed, I went looking for Missile to check on her.

I looked…

I looked…

I looked…

Finally I discovered her holed up, prepared to defend, underneath our bed.

Half a deconstructed bed later, I realized that I needed a flashlight to determine her exact whereabouts and check if her face has swollen up like a watermelon - I set off to retrieve it.

When I returned no sign of her was illuminated. She had taken the opportunity to get out of her foxhole while I was distracted to scurry out into other parts of the house.

With half a deconstructed bed, a now pointless flashlight, and a sense that I was rapidly becoming later and later for work, I set off to locate the fleeing feline.

Chasing her round and round the house, she gave off distressed sounds, which I was concerned about – was she in pain from the spider bite, or distressed that I was chasing her about the house like a lunatic.

Sometimes mornings in my house can be unusual. Mostly, though, as I would prefer – they are sleepy.

Today while vacuuming the house I accumulated enough cat hair to form a new cat.

Now all I need is some electrodes, a kite, a psychotic brain (preferably not currently being used), a machine that goes “ping”, a storm, and a maniacal laugh.

Then I will be set.

Thanks for stopping by and remember, Reality is a nice place to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there.

This morning I when I went to pick up my Gypsy Girl’s ashes from the Centerville Rd Animal Clinic in Garland, TX, I was told that they had experienced a burglary the evening before. Among what was stolen were the remains of my cremated cat. One of the loves of my wife and I’s lives. As if we were not traumatised enough by her passing, now we are faced with not being able to bring her back to rest where she finally needs to be. At home.

My wife and I are so distraught over this.

You probably wont believe how incredibly this hurts.

I know this is such a long shot, but I really have to try…

$500 reward for the return/information leading to the return of the cremated remains of our beloved Gypsy. No questions asked. My email is scott@thescottenglishshow.com.

I am so sorry that I did not come and get you yesterday, Gypsy.

Thank you for hanging on and looking after us for so long, you were the last of the old guard. We will miss you and always remember the joy that you brought to our lives.

Rest well Gypsy girl.

If you have indoor cats, then you have litter boxes. Out of necessity. Litter boxes provide a sectioned off place in our living areas where our cats can take care of their waste without us having to deal with it. The kitty equivalent of our bathrooms. However, we must still me very mindful of those litter boxes, for our own health reasons.

We need to remember to scoop our cats litter boxes regularly (at least daily), because if we don’t we face the following consequences:

• Our cats will stop using the litter boxes. And go elsewhere. And for any of us that have accidentally stepped in something we would much rather not have, we know thats not a good thing at all.
• Extended periods between cleanings will result in odor being given off by the cats litter box, no matter what sort of odor suppressing litter you are using.
• Dirty cat litter boxes can increase the risk of the Toxoplasmosis parasite becoming infectious. This should especially be a concern of those that have a lowered immune system (consider the fate of Tommy in Trainspotting) or whom are pregnant.
• Wash and scrub your cats litter boxes periodically (preferably monthly) to ensure that they remain clean and free from disease causing elements.

Really, you wouldn’t leave your toilet un-flushed for several days in a row, so make sure that you “flush” your cats litter box daily as well.

Ever since I was a young boy I’ve always liked, and had a way with animals. This stayed with me all my life as I matured. When I got married I was introduced to a household of six cats and it was at that time that I became a true cat lover. A cathead. In the eight years since I have transitioned from liking my cats to treating them as another part of my family. Some people don’t understand that. Some people get offended by it. I see it as an act of responsibility and caring.

Of course, being a “cathead”, it should come of no suprise that I have had plenty of opportunity to take pictures of cats. Lots of pictures. Some of them are things only a loving parent could admire. Some are just downright silly. But some… some of them are worth sharing with likeminded individuals. Which is why I have created a new, ongoing, Pictures of Cats section on my website. This is a place where I will be posting pictures of my furry feline friends being… well.. themselves, in all their cute and funny furry glory.

But Pictures of Cats is not just some selfish foistering of my cats upon you all. No! I hearby extend the invitation to all cat lovers, cat people, catheads and the like to submit your own pictures of cats, your furry friends that make your life a little bit brighter, more amusing, and sometimes a little more stressful.

So, here’s the deal. If you have pictures of cats that you would like to submit and share with the world, email them to me at catpics@thescottenglishshow.com and don’t forget to include your name, your cat’s name, and a brief description of what is going on in the pictures that you send. Oh and don’t forget to attach the pictures. If they’re cute, funny or otherwise worthwhile, I’ll post them in my Pictures of Cats section for everyone to see.

And that reminds me, you can find the new Pictures of Cats section on the left hand side under the Pages heading. Go and have a look at some of my cats doing oddball things!

Updates:

8/14/06: Added some more of my cats. Also added some kittens submitted by my best friend, Kelly. These kittens are an amazing story actually. Her mother discovered them IN the wall of her house! Apparently they had fallen down there after their mother gave birth to them in the ceiling. Luckily, Kelly’s mom was able to rescue them and now we have pictures of all their cuteness. Thanks Kelly!