As seen written on a stall where I’m employed:
Your work here is not done until the paperwork is complete.
The instructions on my Annie Chun Teriyaki Noodle Bowl which I was preparing for late a lunch read as follows:
1. Place dry toppings, 1 Tbsp. hot tap water, noodles, then sauce into bowl; cover loosely with lid.
2. Cook on high 40-50 seconds, depending on microwave strength.
3. Toss well.
Steps 1. and 2. went quite stunningly. After completing Step 3. I had Annie Chun Teriyaki Noodles dripping slowly down the opposite wall of my office.
I was never very good at making tossed salads either.
Cleaning out my garage I noticed for the first time a blurb on my can of WD40.
“Search for 2000 uses for WD40“, some sort of competition, and of course, a website to which you could submit your use…
Immediately, the following submission came to mind:
Dear Sirs/Madams,
I find WD40 comes in handy during my day to day job. As an obstretician, the liberal application of WD40 during difficult labors, I find, is a god send. Sprayed liberally around the opening (the red straw comes in handy here), is almost guaranteed to result in a voom! and a “Congratulations on your new baby boy/girl!”.
I recommend WD40 for all professionals in my field.
I’m all prepared to give my Chevy Blazer a bath and locate some ArmorAll Car Wash Concentrate in the garage. Being the first time I’ve used the stuff I flip the bottle over to look for instructions on how much I should pour into my bucket.
“Directions: Use on a cool car …”.
I read no further. I look over to my tired old vehicle. It gets me from here to there. And its all mine. But its definitely not what one would point at and cry “Wow, will you get a load of that cool car!”
I discard the ArmorAll product with disappointment and get some detergent from the kitchen.
Ah well.
The next time you’re knocking back a nice cold Coors Light, realize that a werewolf wouldn’t be caught dead doing what you’re doing.
I just accidentally stepped on a slug.
I don’t think its going to make it.